Sensitively Insensitive
by racefh853629
Summary: Post-ep. 5.02. Dean had no idea how long he'd been sitting there after watching Sam walk away.


A/N: I don't own Supernatural, the CW, or any other known entity. This is my own little post-ep of "Good God, Y'all," because it wouldn't leave me alone. I hope you guys enjoy, and please review. :D

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Sensitively Insensitive

Dean continued to sit at the picnic table, though he was no longer sure exactly how many hours he'd been there. He stared out across the mountain ridge, his mind focused on other things rather than the invading darkness of the night.

The weight of the situation wasn't lost on him. They had gone up against War today, which meant that the other Horsemen couldn't be too far behind. The thought alone was terrifying, and yet, fear wasn't the emotion on the forefront of Dean's mind.

He was instead feeling hollow and dead inside, alone in the world.

He twisted War's ring around in his fingers, wondering if this meant War had lost his mojo. What would happen if Dean were to be the one wearing the ring? Dean shook the thought out of his head, finally tucking the ring away in his pocket. It was War's ring. If Dean wore it, he'd be causing as much trouble as the Horseman did.

Dean wasn't one for causing trouble. Well, he was, but not the type War enjoyed causing. He'd much rather be drinking, picking up some woman, and showing her a good time. And even though that was what he'd prefer to be doing at the moment, he couldn't get himself off of the picnic table bench.

Not since watching Sam walk away.

It hurt Dean to let Sam go, but somewhere inside him, he knew it was for the best. Sam was a loose cannon at the moment, and Dean was more worried about getting his brother through the hunt than doing the hunt right. That was the only reason he had let Sam walk away. Sam needed to focus his mind. And with time running out, Dean couldn't afford to just sit around and wait for the younger Winchester to be ready again.

So he watched Sam go, and then kept himself stuck to the picnic table.

Castiel suddenly appeared on the bench across from Dean, causing the hunter to arch his eyebrows. "Thought you couldn't find me," Dean said softly before looking back across the mountains.

"Your friend… Ellen… said you were still in town," Castiel replied.

"Bet she was fun for you to run into."

"She was… interesting."

Dean smirked lightly, tilting his head dismissively.

"What's wrong?" Castiel probed gently.

The question caught Dean off-guard, but he recovered with, "what makes you think something's wrong?"

"Sam's not here."

"He wanted to walk away."

"Still. Can't be easy for you."

Dean exhaled a grunt.

"Sam will be alright," Castiel assured him.

"I know," Dean replied.

"Then, what's your reservation?"

"I don't know."

Castiel narrowed his eyes pensively, staring at Dean as if he were reading the hunter's soul. However, he had learned a long time ago that Dean Winchester was not a man who could easily be read. Even with all of the powers Heaven had bestowed upon him, it was hard to understand where Dean's mind was.

Tonight, though, it wasn't that hard.

Bobby was now wheelchair bound, something that Dean was blaming himself for. And now Sam had walked away from him, leaving him sitting alone on a park bench. The only two people Dean loved and trusted wholeheartedly in this world were in no shape to be around him.

And Castiel knew Dean blamed himself for their dispositions.

Yet, Bobby's paralysis was no fault of Dean's. Sam not trusting himself anymore wasn't Dean's fault, either. Most of the things Dean took upon himself weren't his fault.

But that didn't stop Dean from feeling responsible.

And, of course, Castiel added to that earlier without thinking of the consequences. He supposed that was also part of Dean's issue today, but Castiel had spoken the truth. He had rebelled, he had killed, and all of that _was_ for Dean. And all that had gotten them was the end of the world.

Still, it was insensitive to throw it back in Dean's face.

"I'm sorry," Castiel said softly.

Dean scoffed. "Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" he replied. "After all, you killed your family, and I failed."

"I shouldn't have thrown it in your face like that."

"You were just being honest. As you always are."

"But you're in a bad enough place."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Let me stop you before you get all touchy-feely."

"Dean," Castiel sighed with slight annoyance. "You are probably one of the most difficult humans in existence."

"I try hard," Dean replied coyly, looking at Castiel.

"I'm sorry about your friend Bobby. I truly am. And I wish there was something I could do to help him."

Dean held up his hand. "Stop. Just… stop."

Castiel could hear the pain in Dean's voice, but he wasn't going to end it there. "And then Sam walked away from you."

"It's better that way."

"Is that what you really feel?" Castiel whispered, leaning over the table toward Dean.

Dean bristled slightly at the closeness, but didn't say anything.

"I didn't think so," Castiel said, sitting back.

"I can't keep my mind focused when I'm worried about him," Dean whispered, looking down at the table. "And he's not focused either."

"But _he_ walked away from _you_."

"So, what? I'm supposed to be hurt? Cry?"

Castiel looked up in annoyance. "You _are_ hurt."

Dean looked back at Castiel, his eyes betraying his surprise and pain.

"Do you really think that after knowing you for over a year, I wouldn't know how much Sam leaving could hurt you?" Castiel asked.

Dean shook his head slowly, looking down to the table.

"Sam and Bobby are the only family you have and right now, they're both hurting badly. And as much as you want to save them from the pain, you can't. You're helpless when it comes to them, and it kills you."

"Cas, you _suck_ at pep talks," Dean muttered softly.

Castiel considered his words, and frowned. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "How can I help you?"

Dean scoffed. "You can't. Because you can't make Bobby better, you can't reverse the Apocalypse, and you can't take away emotional pain. So why don't you just go away and leave me alone?"

"And let you watch someone else walk out on you?"

Dean said nothing, wringing his hands together as the night air turned his fingers colder and number.

"I'm not going to," Castiel told him.

"Despite what you think, I don't need you," Dean said callously.

Castiel thought about doing the honest thing and pointing out that because Dean was completely alone, he _did_ actually need Castiel. Instead, the angel chose to say, "I would prefer it if you weren't alone."

"Protecting your investment?" Dean spouted with malice.

"Watching over my friend."

Dean sighed, his anger draining out of him.

"I'm here for you, Dean."

"Yeah, and when you needed me, where was I?" Dean asked softly, his voice carrying an air of guilt.

Castiel furrowed his brow. "I'm not sure I understand," he said.

"You rebelled to help me. You killed your brothers to save me. And I failed."

Castiel looked down as he processed Dean's statement. Never had he meant to add to Dean's guilt and self-loathing, but he unknowingly had. "I was wrong to put that on you."

"You were being honest, Cas," Dean said, looking up. "Somethin' you always do. Annoyingly."

"Lying isn't part of being an angel," Castiel replied, shaking his head.

"Neither is starting the Apocalypse."

"I tried to help you stop it."

"And I failed."

"We _both_ failed."

Dean said nothing, looking back at the table.

"I was wrong back at the hospital," Castiel said softly. "I shouldn't have dumped that on you. I'm sorry that I did. But… what I did… the choices I made. Those were my decisions, and I'd do them again."

"You did and said those things at the hospital to get me to pay attention," Dean breathed.

Castiel tilted his head in concession. "It was… I think you would call it, 'harsh' of me. I understand you're going through a lot."

Dean swallowed. "I'm sorry that I failed. I couldn't stop Sam because Sam didn't trust me."

"If I hadn't followed the order to let Sam out of the panic room, we might not have had to worry about that."

"That was you?" Dean asked, looking up again.

Castiel stared back.

"Should've known," Dean muttered.

"We can't change the past, Dean," Castiel said.

"I know. Believe me, I know."

Castiel swallowed as he remembered sending Dean back in time last year. "I'm sorry about that too."

"Okay, you know what?" Dean said. "Enough of this moment on the mountain crap. Why did you _really_ come here?"

"Because… you're not alone. You're just not easy to find anymore."

Dean smirked. "Good job with that, by the way. Confused some doctors."

Castiel returned the smile slightly. "So I've heard."

"Tell me the truth, Cas," Dean said seriously. "Will we win this?"

"Not without God," Castiel replied.

"Can we find him in time?"

"I hope so."

Dean stood up finally, stretching his sore, been-stuck-in-the-same-position-for-hours limbs as he looked up at the night sky. Castiel stood as well, looking out at the trees before both men turned to walk out of the campsite. Not another word was spoken until they were about to climb into Dean's Impala.

"You didn't lose the necklace, did you?" Dean asked.

Castiel looked around uncomfortably.

Dean fought to keep his anger in check. "Tell me you didn't lose it."

The angel broke into a small grin before producing the necklace.

Dean shook his head, realizing the angel had been purposely messing with him. "Not nice, Cas."

Castiel smirked.

The End.


End file.
